Panonymous Rant

So a brand new team lead, on the job for less than a week, comes to my cubicle:

"Where Frank?*"
That's Frank's cubicle there, but he hasn't come in yet.

"Where Frank?"
Uhhh... like I said, he's not in the office yet.

"Frank come?"
Well he hasn't notified anybody otherwise, so I'm assuming he'll be in. He normally comes in at 10:30.

"Frank come. Okay."
Um... yeah.

And then he gives me a look, a "my you're so smart" look normally reserved for little kids who just learned how to count to 4. I swear, he was about to pat my head.

Dude, everyone has a university degree here, and while that doesn't necessarily mean we're very intelligent, it does mean we communicate on a level higher than preschoolers.

What's with the fucking kindergarten speak? And you're a TEAM LEAD??? The guys on your team are going to hate you very, very fast...


* - names have been changed to preserve my panonymity

Look, I know you were teaching PhD students before I was even born, and that you are a fountain of knowledge on any and every subject in the computing world. You're also a good guy, and for the most part, I don't mind our two-way discussions-cum-one-way lectures...

But c'mon, it's freaking 8:15 A.M. MONDAY MORNING!! I just got in the office - haven't even had my coffee yet!! You're already starting up with the lectures??

On a whim, I decided to take a different path to my desk today - the scenic route, if you will.

Man there's a lot of freaks working here.

Yo. Don't be coming over and knocking on my desk or grabbing my shoulder to get my attention when I'm in the middle of something. That's just fucking rude man. If you see me staring intently at my monitor typing away, DO NOT Interrupt me - I'm obviously doing something that's requiring my full concentration.

Just sit there in my peripheral vision and LET ME FINISH what I'm doing. It only takes 30 seconds for me to hit a point in what I'm doing where I can safely switch my concentration to your stupid shit.

What's that? You're busy and you don't want to wait for me? Well TOO BAD you arrogant fuck. I don't care if you're the fucking CEO - you can wait for 30 seconds til I finish what I've started.

People stink.

I'm not talking about young-kids-today-don't-give-up-their-seats-to-old-ladies-on-the-bus-what's-happening-to-our-society kind of stink.
This is a body odour issue. B. O.

I walk into the room and the smell hits like a wall. How do you not know you stink??? How??!!???!! Do you not see people retching around you? Birds falling out of the trees?? Perhaps you thought it was SARS? No man, it's YOU.

My god man, take a shower EVERY NIGHT!!! Not just once a week. I KNOW you only take showers once a week because for one blessed day, you do not force me to take a bath in tomato juice when I get home.

I do not want to think about how disgusting your clothes must be. Jesus, how does your wife live with the smell??? Unless... ohmigod... she stinks too. I'm about to puke just thinking about visiting your house and being submerged in that stench.

Went to the foosball table, but some dipshits were there wasting valuable company resources.

So I took a dump instead.

So.
You get a blog. You tell your friends about your blog.
Your friends come read your blog.

Then, you post some rants.

Your friends: What?? Why?? Is that about me??

So.
You get another blog. An anonymous blog.
Now you can rant. And no one knows who you're talking about.

Anonymous ranting.

Yes.